


You don't belong here

by DeputyCupcake



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/F, FreakyTits needed, Season 8 Spoilers, is it amnesia or very good faking?, re-write of season 8
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26291329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeputyCupcake/pseuds/DeputyCupcake
Summary: A more FreakyTits spin of Season 8.Spoilers ahead for those who haven’t seen season 8.
Relationships: Vera Bennett/Joan Ferguson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	1. Is it me you’re looking for?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Episode four: Revenant, the first moment but with a subtly more FreakyTits flavouring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Whilst slowly watching through Season 8 and getting glimpses of the previews, I find my poor FreakyTits shipper heart being crushed by what is happening so… I’m starting a re-write! The story’s title came from the song that plays in the background during the final scene of episode 6, albeit with a very subtle twist.  
> I also realise that I post this on the day that Wentworth has finished filming (4th September 2020), so I hope that it gives some form of homage.  
> Naturally, each chapter will come as I view and then re-watch each episode as they come to me so please be patient. Hope you enjoy the story. Here we go!
> 
> A/N 2: For copyright purposes and whatnot, no I do not own Wentworth or it’s characters. I merely play with them to make myself and other shippers happy.
> 
> A/N 3: This is a spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t seen Season 8, never mind episode 4 Revenant. You have been warned!

Her heart was still pounding in her throat and ears as she was driven by the detectives to go to the hospital, her eyes looking out of the window but not really seeing anything as her mind went back over the conversation that had just happened.

_"We’re sure what I’m going to tell you will come as a shock… Joan Ferguson is alive.”_

The pause after that statement had been one of the longest she’d experienced, beyond some of the moments during the Siege, and yet she had to fight to find her voice as she questioned about that being possible considering, as far as public knowledge went, Ferguson had been found dead in a box. Just as she finished her remark, Hydari then revealed how they knew for a while that it wasn’t Ferguson who was in the box, that DNA analysis proved that to them. Naturally, she pointed out how she and Will had not been informed, only for Collins to have the gall to explain that he and Hydari didn’t want people to find out so they could lure Ferguson out. And oddly, she found herself feeling just a little sick to her stomach when the two of them proudly proclaimed that they did find her, just not as they expected.  
_'Of course, they would bloody crow and make it out like **they** found her when they certainly did not.’ _Vera thought to herself as they approached the hospital and she looked up at it, now knowing who was inside and what she was being asked to do. Because, of course, they did not arrive at the prison just to inform them of what had happened. No, they needed something from them. Or, as it turned out, from her.

Detective Collins’ words echoed in her ears as she followed the detectives to Joan’s room, her heart hammering in her chest, beating so loud she could swear that she couldn’t hear her heels clack against the tiled floor.  
_"We need a formal ID. That can only be made by someone who **knew** her. She doesn’t have family, so…”  
_As they walked along the corridors of the right floor, one sentence continued to echo on repeat in Vera’s mind as she walked behind the pair of detectives.  
_"She doesn’t have family, so…”  
__’Are they just assuming that I knew her best because I was her Deputy and then the Governor when she was a prisoner? Or was there some clue at Murphy’s or in the bag they mentioned? Or….. Was there something which I didn’t, or couldn’t, acknowledge?” _she thought to herself as they turned a corner into a room.

Vera stopped at the doorway as she saw the curtained off area, was Joan really behind there? She had to slightly ponder that. The detectives seemed so sure that they had a police officer on guard, the tall man walking to the side to give them room. Detective Collins looked at her before he pulled back the curtain to reveal the patient behind it…

She couldn’t believe her eyes.

There she was. Hooked up to monitors and a machine to keep her breathing. It seemed so unreal to her.

As she took in the unconscious, and more silver-haired, form of Joan Ferguson, a woman who had been so many different things to her in the space of just a couple of years of her life, a wave of clashing emotions and memories hit her that it froze her completely solid to the spot. The emotions she couldn’t even differentiate as flashes of memory filled her mind.

"You just need a mentor….”  
"Pathetic mouse!”  
Laughing together over "drinks”.  
The slap across her face before the fire.  
"I feel I can trust you, Vera.”  
"You shouldn’t have done that, Vera.”  
Her smile when she looked up from chopping vegetables that she brought to help her.  
The smirk on her face after telling her about Jake.  
"You stick with me, we’ll do **great** things together.”  
"Petty victories are so important to you, aren't they, Vera.”  
That face that she watched turn red and purple as she hung from the rope…  
That same face that gazed at her so raw and vulnerable with the red line across her neck…

Her eyes caught Detective Hydari motioning for her to come forward, making her break eye contact with Joan to acknowledge the detective before she gazed forward again. A lump formed in her throat and she swallowed it back. Her legs somehow found the strength to slowly walk forward, despite wanting to also flee what it was she was seeing. Her legs took her over to Joan’s right side, the side she had always stood at whenever they watched the prisoners together, except for only a few times when she stood at her left.  
It was hard to see the woman she had known look so…. _Frail_ now. And why was her heart **hurting** for her? After everything she had done to her, to the women, to Will, to everyone she touched? Why did it still hurt?

_"I do… I-I-I…. I do care.”_

Those words caused a shiver down her spine as they echoed in her mind. She shut her eyes, hoping vainly that the detectives didn’t see the shiver or whatever might be in her eyes from the memories that hit her. Opening her eyes as she took a breath, she gazed into the face that she had seen many times and yet it almost seemed like she was looking at a stranger.  
"Can you tell me who that is?” Collins asked, breaking Vera’s thoughts as her eyes flicked to him momentarily before she looked back at Joan’s face and sighed heavily. "It’s Joan….. I know that face anywhere.” She replied as she looked at Detective Collins. "It’s Joan Ferguson.” Was her final response before her blue eyes gazed at her face once more, tilting her head a little. Wondering what the woman before her was seeing in her mind.

Once upon a time, she would have, perhaps, been glad to have seen Joan unconscious or at least getting some of her own medicine.

But, as Vera gazed into the face of someone who she had so many and such powerful conflicting emotions for, the woman she had looked up to and saw as a pillar of strength but then seen her looking vulnerable as well, and now seeing her vulnerable again, now she had to wonder.

Now… She wasn’t sure what to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 4: Yes, I chose another lyrical phrase from a song to use as a chapter title but it seemed to fit what I had in mind for the chapter. And yes, this is more Vera centred than Joan but that will come what with the other part of episode 4 to go onto in the next chapter!
> 
> A/N 5: I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter, sorry if it seems very hit and miss. Just trying to wrap my head around a lot of things what with sorting out my own residence at this time. Never mind trying to wrap my head around everything within season 8, feeling very much like Game of Thrones with all the different stories going on.


	2. Hold the weight of worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vera reports back to Will and Jake and has many thoughts circle her mind, as well as feelings in her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1: For copyright purposes and whatnot, no I do not own Wentworth or it’s characters. I merely play with them to make myself and other shippers happy.
> 
> A/N 2: Once again, this is a spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t seen Season 8, never mind episode 4 Revenant. You have been warned!  
> Incidentally, I finished and posted this chapter after watching episode 7 (11th September), and oh boy! We’re in for the real ride now.

The ride back in the detectives’ car was… Uneventful truthfully. But within her mind, that was a different situation as Vera stared ahead, not really seeing where she was as her mind ran over the same sentence over and over again, a constant loop.

_She’s alive._

Vera barely even noticed that the detectives had pulled up outside the prison until Hydari mentioned. “Miss Bennett. We’re back at the prison.” That caught her attention as Vera blinked from her mind being brought back to the present and she cleared her throat before nodding. “Umm yes, uhhh thank you for that detective.” Was her automatic response as she unbuckled her seatbelt and then got out of their car.

She didn’t even see them go as she walked to the prison gates and was allowed through, barely stopping to sign herself back in and go through the scanners. Her mind was perplexed with what she had learned but her heart was oddly a flutter with emotion as Vera took the elevator up once she picked up her radio and asked Will if he was free and for Jake to meet her in Will’s office. Happily, both men acquiesced quickly with Will confirming he was free and Jake telling them both he was on his way. Giving her at least some moments in the elevator to calm her heart and mind down, to focus herself in order to tell them what she knew.  
The elevator door soon opened and Vera was once again jolted from her thoughts as she walked out of the elevator, taking whatever long and quick strides her short legs could manage to get to Will before there was any chance of Ann interrupting and finding out just what was going on. This couldn't get out to everyone else! Not until they knew more.

Coming through the entry door of the Governor’s office, Vera saw Will wave her in before she even reached the office door so she stepped on through. Leaning her hands on the desk, she could feel Will gaze at her with a question, but he didn’t ask anything, not yet. He must have read it on her face that she needed a moment or two to collect herself from what she saw, or he felt it better to only say things once so was simply waiting for Jake.  
It didn’t take too long for Jake to arrive as he stepped through and shut the door. Will’s PA was busy and no sound could leave the office once the door was shut, so it gave them some privacy as Jake moved behind her before settling at the edge of the desk to Vera’s right, placing him in eyesight of her and Will. She took a deep breath as her blue eyes lifted from the spot she had been staring at since she stopped walking, glanced at Will, briefly looked back at Jake before her eyes looked into Will’s brown eyes before she uttered the words that she knew the men **didn’t** want to hear.

“It **is** her.”

“Fuck!” Jake exclaimed as he turned away, his hand coming to rub at his forehead whilst Will simply looked at her, silently pressing her fo more as Vera took a breath, slightly looking away as she remembered Joan’s too-still body that seemed _impossibly small_ on that hospital bed. “I went to look at her, she is _alive_ but in a coma.”  
“Am I going mad?!” Jake stated incredulously as he turned back to the two of them before approaching the desk again and setting his hands on it as he added. “Didn’t we all see her dead **fucking** corpse?!”  
“It wasn’t **her**.” Vera stated with a subtle shake to her voice, her eyes lifting to Will’s again before she looked at Jake as she explained. “Ferguson had a fake ID on her, in the name of a Kath Maxwell.” She finished as she looked back at Will but Jake, of course, had to ask. “Who the fuck is Kath Maxwell?” Jake then looked at Vera who semi-glared at him. “She **was** ….” She stressed the was, notifying him that they were talking about a dead person before she carried on. “A homeless person...” she then sighed heavily. “After she escaped from the box, Ferguson must have killed her, and put her in it.” She added on, trying to fill in the blanks which the police didn’t, or couldn’t add, but the three of them could likely piece together as she heard Jake sigh in frustration. “They used Maxwell’s sister’s DNA to confirm the match.”

“How did she get out of the ground?” Jake asked as he looked at her and Vera paused in order to take a breath before she told them what the detectives told her once she ID’d Joan for them. “The police think she contacted Murphy, just before her escape attempt.”  
“Murphy?” Jake interjected with confusion and Vera gave a slight nod as she looked at him. “They found Ferguson’s fingerprints in Brenda Murphy’s house when they searched it after Channing shot her.” She explained to him, what with having questioned them on why they had such a conclusion. She then paused to give herself a chance to get back on track with the explanation and also her own suspicions of what had happened. “Murphy, probably, followed Will from the depot, then watched him bury her...” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jake’s face turn incredulous again at her explanation. “And then what? They came up with this plan to extort us?!” Jake exclaimed before his face fell a little as Vera nodded. “Which involved… Putting someone else in that box…..” she replied before needing a moment as she remembered that night.

That _damnable_ night.

“So when we panicked enough to go and dig her up. There’d be a body in there that looks like her.” She got out, a shiver running down her spine as her mind played back when Will and Jake took turns in digging up the area whilst she held a torch, desperately trying not to shiver from the cold. In contrast to the two men who had to take off their jackets from the shovelling. She shut her eyes as she recalled when Will opened up the box a little where they saw the corpse, the sight and smell of it which made her stomach churn and made her pray desperately to not throw up in front of the two men so her pregnancy wasn’t found out.

“Why didn’t she just take off, after Murphy was killed?”

Jake’s words brought her back to the present and, for once, Vera was grateful for that as she looked at him. “She was trying to get money together.” she answered before explaining further. “They arrested the guy that assaulted her, he had a backpack with nearly 30,000 dollars in it, which they think was hers.” That seemed to somewhat appease Jake as silence fell over them as they all gazed down to let the information all sink in. The whole time, Vera realised, Will hadn’t said a **single** word during any of her explanations, only Jake talked and asked questions. She wondered what was going around his head, what was he thinking about?

“Maybe she’ll never wake up.”

She found herself breathing out. Hoping that she wouldn’t and yet, there was a part of her that prayed she did wake up. Why? Why was there this strange sense of relief in her that was glad that Joan was alive?

Her thoughts were interrupted as Linda came in to announce they were about to move the Protection unit prisoners into General. Vera sighed as she straightened up and hugged herself. She hoped this gamble of Ann’s was going to work, but she had a feeling that it was just going to add fuel to the fire. Which may well soon explode.

~~~~~~

The transfer of the Protection unit prisoners was going reasonably calmly, Vera thought to herself as she and Will watched the proceedings from near the entrance to H3, her arms crossed over her chest. She anticipated the shouts and slurs being tossed at some of the prisoners, given the nature of their crimes and such. Then, of course, came Winter, that was when the tension rose within an instant. Thankfully, it was mostly just angered remarks and the women trying to frighten her rather than any attempt at violence. They had been prepared though with plenty of officers to keep the women in line. In the distance, Vera saw Ann watching what was happening in the yard as Jake followed Marie through the yard and into H3.

The transferred prisoners soon were gone and the other women settled back to their tables and usual activities. Vera watched Ann walk away out of the corner of her eye. She sighed heavily as the tension in her body slightly relaxed. “Well that could have been worse.” She thought aloud before she gazed to her right in order to look at Will and noticed him looking down towards the ground, his mind obviously distracted as she tilted her head a little. “You alright?” she asked softly, the tone or her exact words somehow cutting through whatever was going on in his head as her friend inhaled some air, turned his head to look at her before returning his gaze to where it was. “Yeah….”  
She hummed to herself at that but let Will take his time to organise his thoughts as he turned to her, his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know whether to be relieved, or feel guilty about Ferguson.” He admitted to her quietly so only the two of them heard and Vera sighed softly at that, her eyes softening in their gaze as Will carried on by adding. “I’m relieved that I’m not a murderer.” Vera shakes her head with a soft smile at that, the big man had always had a gentle heart and it ripped into him during that time after he had buried her. “Is that wrong?” he asked and Vera shook her head once as she looked up at him. “Course not.” She reassured him but his expression then turned serious as she looked back into his eyes. “Yeah, but I’ve dumped us in this shit, Vera. She’s…”

“Mr Jackson.”

Vera sighed internally as Allie approached, interrupting their conversation as Will audibly sighed in frustration whilst turning his attention to the Top Dog. “What is it, Novak?” he asked and Allie simply had to give one name for Vera to have a sense of where the conversation was going to go.

“Judy Bryant.”

Vera tilted her head as did Will to look over at Bryant, who looked a little distressed something, likely something to do with a lawyer or something considering Bryant was expecting a visitor today. Novak turned back from where she looked at Bryant and looked expectantly at Will. “She should be allowed to contact her father. It’s an abuse of her human rights.” Was Novak’s case and Vera sighed softly as she looked at Will as he answered her. “Bryant’s being held on a Terrorism charge...”  
“There’s a problem with her lawyer.” Allie interrupted him but Will finished with a deadpan. “Which means **no** contact with the outside world.” Allie sighed at that with a subtle shake of her head, recognising the finality of his tone as she turned and walked away. Vera sighed softly as she stepped closer to him as she whispered. “Can’t forget the severity of the charges, but she’s hardly more than a kid.” was her point and Will sighed softly. “Well….” He looked up at the young woman as Novak sat back down with her block crew. “Maybe I could arrange a phone call under supervision….”  
“No, no, no, no. Don’t you do it, you won’t get it past Ann.” Vera interrupted with a shake of her head before she gently bit her bottom lip in order to think.

How could they work around Ann to let the girl talk to her father?


	3. I’m only human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vera takes a moment to herself after finding out the news. And gets more than she anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1: For copyright purposes and whatnot, no I do not own Wentworth or it’s characters. I merely play with them to make myself and other shippers happy.
> 
> A/N 2: So this section was originally in chapter 2 but, as I wrote it, I felt it needed a chapter on its own. And it gets slightly steamy ahead so, consider that your warning, on top of the normal warning of this is season 8 related so it may contain spoilers and such for those who haven’t seen season 8 yet!  
> Especially episode 8 which is on in Australia on this day, September 15th 2020!

Later, when she was within the relative calm of her office, Vera sighed as she shut her eyes. Trying to wrap her head around everything she had learned in a single day and then imparted to the two men who she had been a co-conspirator with. Why did they even do it? Well, she knew why Will did it, he told her after all when he finally came clean about what had been going on with him. How he had done it to protect the women, and also **her**. But Jake? She would never understand, she certainly didn’t beforehand when she thought they were together.

But then, there was so much she thought she knew about Joan…..

 _Joan_ …..

 _“Maybe she’ll never wake up.”_ Those were the last words she had said to the two men as they wrestled with their worries and fears of what could happen next. What could happen to them if she woke and told the police, especially if Murphy had shown Joan the photographs and Joan still **had** a copy which the detectives somehow couldn’t find at Murphy’s house. So many questions, so few answers in return. All because of **one** woman who seemed to hold so much power over them, even whilst unconscious. She had managed to speak with the nurse who was monitoring Joan’s condition and she informed her that, because of the trauma to her head, Joan might wake up in a day or so, or she might never wake up…

 _‘But maybe you **do** want her to wake up…’_ came that annoying voice in the back of her mind as Vera’s head fell into her hands. In a way, she couldn't even deny it, not in the full truth of the matter. After all, she **did** save Joan from the lynching, despite having every reason to just let her hang.  
She remembered how she told everyone that she only saved Ferguson for the woman to face true justice, to see the consequences of her actions and to answer for her crimes.

But that honestly hadn’t been the whole truth. Not when she thought about it, not with how she pushed herself through the gate and towards the prisoners who held Linda hostage and demanded they drop the blade, the blade which she then used to cut Ferguson down….. Not when she…..

Vera let out a sigh as her hands over to cover her mouth, her fingers touching her lips. Lips that had touched Joan’s, even though it was to give her the ~~kiss of life~~ **rescue** breaths….. No, she couldn’t deny it, it wasn’t just rescue breaths. Otherwise, she wouldn’t remember how their lips managed to merge well with her fuller bottom lip and Joan’s more defined upper lip… She let out a shaking breath at that and just how she continued with CPR, no matter the strain on her small (and at the time unknowingly pregnant) body until Joan’s eyes opened with her strangled gasp of air filling her lungs.

Tears pricked at her blue eyes as Vera remembered how… _Vulnerable_ Joan looked in the medical cell, in that medical gown that looked too small on her, the red line across her neck, how flushed her face was and the bloodshot look of her eyes… An image that has haunted her ever since along with those immortal words….

_“Why did you do it?”_

A couple of tears graced her cheeks as the words echoed within her mind. _‘Why **did** I do it? My mind tells me one thing and yet my heart disagrees… But I cannot ignore the slight laugh she gave afterwards as she said: “Whatever happens, your... Humanity always wins out.” Even now, I cannot tell if her words held some genuine feeling of thanks or if she, in her own way, managed to turn it to make fun of my humanity?!’_ she thought to herself. Gently shaking her head, she lifted her head and wiped away the couple of tears that had fallen down her cheeks and sighed heavily. When Joan begged her to get her into Protection and she told her that she couldn’t, the actual fear in Joan’s eyes was as haunting to her as the night they dug up the box that Joan had been buried in.

Looking at her hands, she saw the smudges, remnants from what make-up she was able to put on in the morning, and sighed angrily. “Jesus Christ!” she muttered with a shake of her head as she got up to use the restroom. How she had managed to get there without bumping into someone, she did not know but was frankly grateful as she got in and splashed water onto her face, gasping slightly from the cold. But that also made her realise how _hot_ she was, just not in the way she was used to, or not very often anyway. Her head lifted to the mirror and, somehow, her reflection didn’t show her face, but that time she spotted Jake and Radcliffe….

 _‘No... Wait, that… That doesn’t look like Radcliffe…’_ she thought to herself as Vera leaned closer to the mirror, her eyes creasing as she tried to peer closer. The uniform… It wasn’t the nurse’s uniform… But who… And why is Jake’s hair long?

_‘Wait a minute…’_

She gasped as she blinked and back away from the mirror, her hands covering her eyes as Vera stumbled back into the cubicle. Sitting on the seat, Vera panted softly as her mind became engrossed in the memory turned into… She didn’t know what it was…. A… A _fantasy_? She wasn’t even sure as she leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees.  
Instead of Radcliffe, she saw _herself_ …. **She** was sat on…. ‘ _Wait, where did the Medical bed go? Why am I on my kitchen counter? How did this change from being at Wentworth to my home?’  
_And, instead of Jake… It was Joan. It was Joan between _her_ legs, kissing at her neck. But not dressed in the teal, nor in the Governor's uniform which confused her. She tried to identify the clothes, the flat shoes… The loose hair… _‘Wait… That’s what she wore when...’_ Vera thought to herself as words echoed in her mind in Joan’s voice as fantasy Joan whispered in her fantasy self’s ear. _“I do care…”_  
She whimpered at the husky tone that Joan seemed to take and she bit her lips to muffle the sound as her fantasy self eagerly rocked her hips. Joan shifted as her hand stroked in between her legs, her dark head bending down to kiss down her chest before nuzzling her shirt to the side. Allowing access for her pale lips kissing the swell of her breast before her tongue licked around her enlarged nipple. Those fingers easily slipped past her swollen lips before skilfully caressing around her entrance, causing a whimper to leave her as she ducked her head to muffle herself. Those long digits then curled and pushed themselves inside her which prompted a whine to leave her throat whilst Joan’s lips returned to her ear. _“How does it feel to have everything you’ve always **wanted,** Vera?”_ came the delicious purr that tingled from her ear down her spine and inside her mind as she shivered, the digits thrusting whilst a thumb caressed her pearl, teasing her up. _“Always so loyal to me, like the mouse you are, compared to my shadow… Always so **eager** to please me…”_ the purr continued caressing her ear as the thrusts and strokes quickened, her breaths getting shorter and more desperate, feeling the climb that she hadn’t felt in… God, she didn’t want to think of when!  
_“You need to be ready, Vera…”_ that voice warned her before she let out a slight gasp as lips wrapped around her nipple, milk slowly being pulled from her breast as a quiet moan left her. _“Now Vera, do it_ **now**!” came the growl that sent her plummeting over the edge with a strangled gasp.

The hit on her mind prompted her to open her eyes and gasp for air to fill up her struggling lungs. As her chest heaved to fill her lungs with oxygen, that was when Vera realised that it was her own fingers that had been at her nipple, now slightly sticky with milk. Her eyes then looked past her arm to see she had been riding her own fingers, not at all knowing how she managed to unzip herself during her whole haze. A heavy sigh left her as she removed her hands from where they ended up and cleaned them, hoping and praying that no one had heard her….

“Vera?!”

_‘Shit!’_

Vera bit her lips as she took a shaky breath to calm herself and then cleared her throat before she even attempted to respond. “Yes, Ann?” she cringed a little how her voice cracked a little at saying Ann’s name but the woman shouted through. “Everything ok in there?” Vera sighed as she tried to quietly clean herself up. “I… I’m fine! J… Just need a few minutes…” was her shaky reply as fingers fumbled to clean herself up, her body still shaking from the aftershocks as she removed the evidence and flushed it away, then unbolted the door and just about stepped (or more fell) against the sink. Somewhat surprised at herself that she had managed to even lock the cubicle door whilst in her hazy mind as she cupped some running water and splashed it against her face, removing what remained of her make-up and to try to remove any evidence of her flush. Looking at herself in the mirror, Vera swore silently at how she looked but there was no point in delaying the inevitable as she dried her hands and patted her face dry with a paper towel before she stepped out of room to face Ann.

Ann blinked as she took in Vera’s dishevelled form, trying to figure out what was wrong with her friend as Vera leaned against the doorframe and asked. “Yes, Ann?” Ann could see that her face was a little wet, her hair was likely a little frazzled and her clothes were askew, Vera no doubt saw that her eyes became a little fixated on her skewiff shirt as she tried to straighten out her shirt first. But unfortunately, her friend still asked the inevitable and simple, yet complex, question. “Are you ok, Vera?” she leaned back on her hip and crossed her arms to wait for an answer and Vera sighed heavily, biting her lip on what to tell her.

In the end, she simply tilted her had to look at Ann and simply uttered a one-word answer to shut the conversation down.

“Hormones…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 4: As a continuation of the previous chapter, the song is still Human by Christina Perri as I find it literally embodies Vera so much in this show with everything that she goes through. Here is the song link again for ease: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=r5yaoMjaAmE
> 
> A/N 5: I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter, sorry if it seems very hit and miss, just trying to wrap my head around a lot of things what with sorting out my own residence at this time. Never mind trying to wrap my head around everything within season 8, feeling very much like Game of Thrones with all the different stories going on.  
> Please do leave kudos and comments, I do read the comments! I just do not always get the chance to respond, but I do read what you write!


	4. Right at the other half of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when your mind is confused? Do you see yourself as yourself? Do you see your form as another person?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1: For copyright purposes and whatnot, no I do not own Wentworth or it’s characters. I merely play with them to make myself and other shippers happy.
> 
> A/N 2: Once again, this is a spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t seen Season 8, never mind episode 4 Revenant. You have been warned!  
> And you lucky people get a 2nd chapter in one week following my watching of episode 8!
> 
> A/N 3: With this chapter, this takes place over the course of the day(s) since the end of episode 2 but, naturally, the passage of time is difficult to really place given the circumstances of this particular character. The layout will also seem strange but, given this is someone in a coma, I tried my best to understand how a person might be in a coma with their thoughts and such so it will change from 1st person to 3rd. I apologise now if it annoys people but it was what made sense in my head on how to navigate this.

Darkness fills my mind.

I don’t know what is happening to me.

I remember… Pain…. In the back of my head.

Then nothing.

I then become aware of… Rhythmic beeping… What do they mean? Am I in a hospital?

Why am I not moving?

Why can’t I see anything?

Then images start… Filling my vision, words fill the space….

_Thud… Thud… Thud…_

Igniting the lighter to see what is happening.

The realisation of being buried.

“Let me out of here!”

Fumbling with the scissors to try to pry the box open.

The crack that forms and the dirt that falls onto her.

“Ah! No!”

The light going out.

Fists banging at the wood before screaming. “NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The images then change.

My mind is waking up, remembering, filling in the blanks.

The images show… A dark corridor and a voice speaks out.

“My name is Miss Ferguson….”

She then sees herself, as she was, as Governor as the voice carried on speaking as if far away. “But you can call me Governor.”

The image spins as she sees herself again and again whilst the last words echoes.

_“Governor.”_

She then looks at herself through the window, remembering those words.

“They call me a freak, an aberration, a monster.”

Her fall from grace, igniting the cardboard over Warner.

It then changes to the fencing studio…

“Do you think there is a…. A deficit in me that needs correcTing?” is her question to her father, well his ghost, only for that to disappear to Vera, sat at her dining table before getting up and leaving.

The pang of pain that shot through me as I remembered.

_Vera_.

“Your true nature will come out, it’ll have to.”

Poking at her dead fish, why wouldn't it live? I don’t understand…

“I give you order!”

The pride of her fencing, watching herself beat her opponent with ease before the fight with Allie in the yard, the foolish girl thinking she can take me down…

“I give you strength!”

The drinks I had with Vera, her infectious laughter, that smile… Oh, that sweet smile.

The image though was torn away by when I slapped her, her poor neck straining from the sharp, snap like turn of her head from the force of my hand.

“Without me, you’re only pigs!”

I then see myself fighting off the prisoners who dared to attack me along with Novak, how I easily swatted them down and broke the arm of one of them.

“I am the only person who does what needs to be done!” the shout I emitted when surrounded by the prisoners in the yard distorts to a roar. How have I fallen to this?

“You fucked the wrong lunatic!” vaguely seeing myself in the straight jacket, in that room. That white, padded room… _That place…_

The images then changed.

She was in a padded room, **that** padded room. Her arms wrapped around her. It was… Cold… She didn’t like it here. Has time passed? Where is she?

“Hey…”

A voice called to her, seemingly from afar as she shivered and tried to lift her head up to look for where that voice was coming from.

“Hey!”

The next shout seemed closer, echoed in the space whilst startling her to lift her head up fully. Opening her eyes, she saw a tall woman with **her** face, but in a dark uniform, standing over her with a stern look on her face.

“Look at me.”

A flash of the face but closer invaded her mind until she saw the woman lean down towards her with her gloved hands sliding down her thighs until they reached her knees, their faces inches apart. “Look. At. Me.”

She looked up at her and then saw the woman’s hand come to her face to push back some of her hair.

“So pa **the** Tic.”

That voice and those words made her start to lower head down as the woman kept talking. “Snap out of this malaise. Right now. Do **noT** succumb to the darkness.”

Her head bowed further but she was then interrupted as the woman shouted. “Hey, hey!” and her gloved hand backhanded her face, making her face snap to the right as she gasped in shock. Her chin was then grabbed and she was forced to look at her face again. “Stay with me. Without me, you are nothing. You are **worse** than nothing, you’re a **vic-tim**. Remember _who you are._ ” The woman stated firmly and she whimpered a little. The force of her tone, her words plaguing her thoughts as she tried to figure out who this woman was. Who **she** was…

“Wh… Who am I?”

The woman slowly released her chin. “You…” her hand rose between them towards her face. “Are….” Her gloved fingers then touched her own forehead. “ **Me.** ”

She shook a little as the woman carried on. “Joan Ferguson.” She then gazed at her. “Say it. Ferguson.” The woman then grabbed her chin, trying to prompt her to say the name. It didn’t make sense to her.

Over and over again, she repeated the words. “Say it. Joan Ferguson.” It was none stop, the words sometimes meddling into her mind as the uniformed woman, Joan, kept on making her try to say her name, breaking it down into syllables. The sounds merged so it made no sense.

Completely relentless…

~~~~~

Outside, as she slept and the nurse carried out her checks before leaving, nothing seemed to occur, nothing out of the ordinary.

Then, her right ring finger slightly twitched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 4: Yes, I chose another lyrical phrase from a song to use as a chapter title but it seemed to fit what I had in mind for the chapter. And yes, this is a more Joan centred to make up for the previous chapter! The song phrase comes from Mirrors by Justin Timberlake.  
> Here’s a link if you want to listen to it because it is somewhat fitting to the pairing this story is centred around: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uuZE_IRwLNI
> 
> A/N 5: I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter. I’m sorry if the format seemed a little odd but I tried to imagine just how disconnected Joan was feeling with this split personality conversation happening. But I’ve honestly never had it happen so it is naturally difficult to imagine.  
> Praise naturally has to be sung for Pamela Rabe, just for this section alone. Never mind the rest of the season with her masterclass acting!


	5. I'm on your side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With thoughts heavy with Ferguson and coming back to work, Vera certainly has a lot on her plate as she tries to help where she can with Judy Bryant to keep her mind off of troubles she can't control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1: For copyright purposes and whatnot, no I do not own Wentworth or its characters. I merely play with them to make myself and other shippers happy.
> 
> A/N 2: Once again, this is a spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t seen Season 8, never mind episode 4 Revenant. You have been warned! And there is a lot of the dialogue from the aforementioned episode.
> 
> A/N 3: I apologise that it has been a bit of time since I updated, especially considering I was updating at least once a week. But episodes 9 and 10 of Wentworth made me need to get out two chapters onto paper because... I just honestly got wrecked by them. But honestly, Kate Atkinson and Pamela Rabe deserve all the awards, ESPECIALLY Pamela Rabe for this past season with everything she has done in portraying Joan Ferguson.  
> Plus, I found this chapter oddly a bit hard to try to mingle what we have seen in the episode with my version of what should possibly have happened, so this chapter was finished yesterday, 2nd October 2020.  
> Hope you enjoy it!

The next day, her mind was still heavy with what was going on about Ferguson. Never mind everything else as Vera sighed heavily as she gazed at a photo she had of Grace. Her sweet, beautiful, _innocent_ baby who was currently in the crèche and had no idea that her mother feared for her safety.

Vera let out a heavy sigh as her hand lowered from her chin to the desk until a knock at her door broke her thoughts. She straightened herself up as Officer Deng opened the door. “You asked for Bryant.” She stated as she leaned through the door, Vera nodding in the affirmative. “Yeah, I did…” she confirmed so Deng walked in and Bryant appeared in the doorway so Vera looked at her with she hoped an encouraging gaze. “Come in, Bryant…” her voice sounded tired, mind she spent half the night tossing and turning with this whole Ferguson fiasco circling her mind and then Grace waking in the night for a diaper change and then a feed.

She watched the young lady shyly walk in, slightly biting her bottom lip as she looked the girl over to pick up anything from this unusually quiet young lady. No doubt she was wondering if she was somehow in trouble again, given all of her actions lately. Such was what Vera pondered as she nodded at Deng to leave them. Once they were alone, Vera let out a soft sigh. “You’ve stayed out of trouble for a few days.” She remarked before flashing the young woman what she could only hope was a warm smile.  
Bryant nodded at that but then her eyes seemed to spot something as her eyes shifted down a little to stare at Vera’s chest. Vera raised her brows in a questioning manner of that action and Bryant must have picked up on her now slightly annoyed disposition as the young lady explained awkwardly what caught her attention. “You’re… Lactating...”  
Vera sighed at that but then she looked down to see where Bryant was staring and, sure enough, there was a wet patch right over her right breast. “Oh!” she exclaimed as soon as she spotted it before her hand rose to awkwardly cover her breast, her other hand fumbling for her jacket. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she fought to slip her jacket on. Bryant thankfully gave her a moment by respectfully looking away but the girl’s eyes spotted the photo of Grace. “She’s cute…” she remarked as she slightly scratched her neck.  
Vera looked at the photo in question before she smiled appreciatively at the comment as she finally slipped her jacket on to cover her breast. Giving the jacket a slight tug down a little to make sure it sat properly on her form before she looked down to check it was covering her wet patch, Vera then sighed heavily. Making a mental note to herself to be careful of thinking about Grace when at work, just slightly embarrassed by the leak as she let out a heavy sigh. She then motioned her hand to the empty seat for Bryant to sit down.

The girl awkwardly walked around the chair before sitting, Vera watching and pausing for a moment before she slowly turned her phone towards the young woman. The confused look that Bryant gave her after looking at the phone could almost have been laughable at that moment but Vera managed to not laugh as she pointed out what it was, the kid looked like she had no idea what it was. “It’s a phone... It’s one of those old fashioned desk types.” She explained and Judy sighed a little so Vera added on. “You can use it to call your father.” That perked her attention as Bryant looked at her with amazement and hope in her eyes. “It’s 11 pm in London.” She further pressed, having checked the time difference between Melbourne and London to make sure she picked as good a time as possible.  
With her words barely out of her mouth, Bryant immediately reached forward for the handset, picking it eagerly ready to dial but Vera interrupted her. “It’s a supervised call. It has to stay on speaker.” She stated firmly whilst reaching forward to ready her finger on the speaker button, motioning to Bryant to return the handset. The girl thankfully complied and set the handset down, Vera then pushing the speaker button to activate the handsfree call, the dial tone becoming audible which prompted Bryant to punch in the number to call her father from out of the UK, taking a deep breath as she punched the number in.

The phone rang twice as they waited before a tune played, Vera could only suspect was connecting the line or some sort of security measure clearance before a voice answered the phone which Vera could only assume, and hope, was Bryant’s father. _“Hello?”_ it must have been as Vera saw Judy’s face brighten a little before she responded. “Dad, it’s me, it’s Judy.”  
 _“Judy?”_ her father questioned before he paused. _“Wh…Where are you calling from?”_ he asked and Judy paused a little bit. “I’m still in prison, Dad… They umm…” Judy paused again to figure out what to say as she looked at Vera before settling with. “Haven’t let me us the phones.” Vera squinted her eyes a little at that, prompting Bryant to get on with why she wanted to call rather than complain about her lack of privileges, thankfully Judy understood her slight glare to get on with it. “I’m calling because there is a problem with the lawyer…”

_“What lawyer?!”_

That filled Vera with some dread as she carefully sat back and crossed her arms as Judy responded. “Yeah, that’s…” she stopped before pressing on the point she was trying to make. “They won’t let me see the lawyers you’ve hired!”  
 _“I haven’t hired any lawyers.”  
_ The shock in Judy’s eyes was as palpable as if she had screamed “What?!” at the phone and Vera honestly felt sorry for this kid as they listened to the man continue. _“Christ, Judy! An act of terrorism?!”_ Vera’s eyes flicked from the phone to Judy as she tried to defend herself to her father over the phone. “No dad, I… I was set up! They… Planted that stuff on my laptop! To **frame** me!”  
 _“I’m sorry, Judy. It’s just… I don’t believe it!”  
_ _“_ Come on! You know I’d never do anything to hurt people!”  
 _“Releasing secrets? That hurts people. Do you have any idea the embarrassment you’ve caused me?”_ those words seemed to shut Judy down from her trying to get him to help her as she uttered. “That’s not what I was trying to do...” the silence that hung after was thick until Vera heard words that utterly tore at her heart, and she knew that it would prove a painful blow to Bryant. _“There’s an election next year, and my daughter’s a terrorist. How do you think that’s going to play?”_ The sheer pain in Bryant’s eyes pulled at Vera’s heart at what was, essentially, the man admitting that his political career was more important to him than his daughter was. It was painful for her to listen to this conversation, especially as she watched Bryant’s eyes the whole time and the sheer pain and the tears that filled them as she whispered. “I’m sorry…”  
 _“Not as sorry as I am, peanut.”_ Were her father’s final words before the call was cut off and the dial tone was the only sound that filled the space between them. Vera sighed softly as she leaned forward from her chair and press the button to cut off her phone as she looked at Judy. The poor girl looked broken almost as she took a shaky breath before looking up at her and managed to breathe out “Thank you.” to her.

Vera flashed her a sympathetic look as she nodded in acceptance to her thanks, watching her as she got up and left with Deng until they were both gone. _‘I wish I could do more for this kid…’_ she thought to herself as she sat back in her chair with a heavy sigh. _‘And I thought I had parent issues...’_

~~~~~~

The hours dragged by at work as she worked through the varying paperwork and manned the call centre’s afternoon shift. Thankfully, it was now time to go and collect Grace from the crèche and go home, get out of her dried out bra and shirt and get into her PJs to settle from the day. She entered the crèche and greeted the workers but, as she started to undo the gate that helped stopped the toddlers and young children from accidentally getting out, she spotted Jake with Grace, talking softly with her as he focused on a rainbow flower that was on the wall. She had to admit, while she had reservations of Jake being involved in her baby’s life when she was carrying her, she now saw what a good influence he was and how devoted he was to being Grace’s father.

Letting herself in, Vera closed the gate and Jake spotted her. “Heading home?” he asked and she nodded before answering. “Yup.” She saw him turn towards her as she approached but she also spotted that he seemed a bit upset to let Grace go so, when he shifted to give Grace to her, she shook her head as she said. “No, it’s ok!” he smiled at being allowed to hold her a while longer as Vera gave her baby a big smile. “Hey!” she breathed out but Grace was mesmerised by the flower on the wall.  
“I have been such a selfish prick, Vera, for so long.” Jake spoke softly to not disrupt Grace and the other children, and she could hear the genuine tone in his voice as she listened. “She’s made me realise that…” he paused and Vera tilted her head quizzically before he continued. “I’m not the most important person in my world.” Her eyes softened at that as Jake took a deep breath. “I’ve finally got something that I care about more than…. _Anything_.”  
While it hurt to hear him say that when he knew that she had come to love him in their time together and thus how much it hurt to hear that most of their relationship was a lie, she couldn’t fault him really. Having Grace had brought out a side to her that she hadn’t really been aware of.

Jake shifted Grace in his arms so she was more comfortable and she cooed quietly, the sound honestly so adorable to Vera that she almost missed what Jake said but she looked at him as she saw his expression turn serious. “This whole Ferguson thing…. Could take it all away...” he breathed out and Vera could only nod at that, she understood his thinking behind that. He smiled before he shifted Grace again but ready to give her to Vera so she moved her arms to take her baby. “Here we go…” she breathed out, smiling brightly as she brought her baby to her. “Hey mate.” She greeted as she settled Grace against her chest, her little girl turning her head to look at Jake, who gave a soft smile in return. “You know… I think…” Vera paused saying her words so that Jake would focus on her as she admitted. “I think Grace is very lucky to have you as a dad.” Jake smiled at that as she gently touched her cheek against her baby girl’s head before patting her back just a little. She then smiled as she breathed out “Goodnight.” to Jake before leaving the crèche, settling Grace in her baby carrier and picking up the two bags before heading out to go home.

Not noticing Jake’s gaze as the two of them leave the crèche.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 4: Yes, I chose another lyrical phrase from a song to use as a chapter title but it seemed to loosely fit what I had in mind for the chapter. It’s from Bridge over Troubled Waters by Simon & Garfunkel. And yes, we are back to Vera for this chapter! Here is a link to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQ8zfRJfUuc
> 
> A/N 5: I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter, this season is certainly producing a lot of muse for me in many aspects though I am trying to focus purely on this story despite a lot going on in my life with moving house and indeed the pandemic. I hope you all are keeping well and staying safe!


	6. Will I die before I wake?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To wake is to sometimes bury away a conflicting part of yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1: For copyright purposes and whatnot, no I do not own Wentworth or its characters. I merely play with them to make myself and other shippers happy.
> 
> A/N 2: Once again, this is a spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t seen Season 8, never mind episode 4 Revenant. You have been warned!
> 
> A/N 3: Terribly sorry that this chapter took so long to get out. Unfortunately, my muse has been proving to be a very challenging mistress, never mind this section of what happens. Hopefully, you all will enjoy it!

She couldn't allow her to live.

Not when she was so cold… So unfeeling.

_‘No, I cannot let her be me…’_

Her gloved hands move carefully over Ferguson’s resting body, covering her with leaves, burying her away to be forgotten about. By her, by anyone else, she did not deserve to come out of this hole. More leaves were carefully spread over her, her legs and arm were already done and her torso was slowly disappearing from view. More leaves swept into her hands to cover the body. She feels movement and panicked eyes open from what had been a prone body. Ferguson looked around but then spied her body being buried and she began to scream in terror. Her mittened hands quickly gathered the leaves to stuff her mouth, muffling her, _silencing_ her and then quickly gathered more leaves to finish off the burial. The area falling quiet as the screams were muffled, the only sound that could be heard was her panting to settle down her heart.

She didn’t know where to begin now. If not as Joan Ferguson, a woman who demanded respect and projected fear onto others, then who was she? Did anyone care about her?

Her mind then conjured some images that she had seen before: being sat beside another woman, smaller than she was, brown hair, a smile on her lips and in her eyes whilst laughter rang out. Who was she? Why did she feel so familiar but a name won’t come? Why won’t the name come to her? But this woman was important to her!  
That laughter rang in her ears, a sweet voice coming as well but the words were muffled. Was her mind forgetting? No, she didn’t want to forget everything! This woman is important! She must be for her memories to remember her so specifically.

_‘There must be something to help me…’_

With that thought in mind, the woman dug her hand into her pocket and found a card. Bringing it out, she hummed as she looked the card over, the words are blurry at first but her eyes slowly focused in the dark and revealed a name.

_Kath Maxwell_

_‘That has to be me then, who I am and not Joan Ferguson.’_ She thought to herself as she lifted her head towards the sky. The moon seemed brighter now but, as she stared, the moon seemed layered over by that woman’s face again. Her hair was in a stricter bun though this time and her jacket was on. But there was still that soft smile that she had as words flowed from her lips.

_“Always, with you… Joan…”_

A bright light then flashed down at her and a smile graced her face as she became blinded by the light.

~~~~~~

Eyes snap open.

Everything… Fuzzy….

What are those beeping sounds?

_‘Where am I?’_

A feeling fills her that she is being watched so her eyes move to the side as they focus.

Someone stands there... A man… His eyes wide in shock as he gazes at her. She stares at him but then looks down, sees a needle in her line, a needle **he** is holding. It then feels like she is choking on what is down her throat. She fights it, tries to breathe on her own. The man moves back as the nurse comes over. “It’s alright, it’s ok…” she reassures her, but she isn’t convinced. She wants to get these lines off!

Her right hand rises to push them off but the nurse sets it back down. “No, no, let’s keep that there.” She tells her as a doctor comes over to help remove the tube down her throat. They ask her to do things, move thumbs a certain way, give blinks. Then comes the final question, what is your name?

She swallows a bit of water before her brown eyes look at the two of them.

“My name… Is Kath… Kath Maxwell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 4: Admittedly, I twisted a lyrical phrase from a song to use as a chapter title but it seemed to fit what I had in mind for the chapter. And yes, we are back to Joan for this chapter! The song is All night, all day (Angels watching over me) which I know as a campfire song. Here is a link to the song as I more or less know it, albeit not the exact version I know: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nx1bO_3c8Ko  
> Admittedly, I do giggle at Bernard Curry’s expression at this point in the episode! Hehehe
> 
> A/N 5: Hopefully you all enjoyed this chapter. Yes, it is a bit shorter than things have been but I really did struggle to wrap my head around this segment. Please leave comments and kudos if you are enjoying this!


	7. Turning Tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the tables turn and Vera finds out that what she has come to know as normal is about to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1: For copyright purposes and whatnot, no I do not own Wentworth or it’s characters. I merely play with them to make myself and other shippers happy.
> 
> A/N 2: Once again, this is a spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t seen Season 8, never mind episode 4 Revenant. You have been warned!
> 
> A/N: Sorry it has taken a while to update this, reality is biting me hard in terms of muse and writing. I am trying to write these chapters out as quickly as they come but they do take time around still working full time (I am in one of those jobs where I cannot work from home). I managed to finish this chapter on the 26th October 2020 but have only been able to publish it online today.

So many thoughts twisted and turned inside her mind that night as Vera watched Grace nurse from her. She had to wonder what would happen if Joan woke up. And, even if she did wake up, would she remember anything from the blow to her head? So many questions and so few answers for them as her blue eyes returned to Grace, her little girl slowing in her feeding so Vera got her to swap sides to finish off. Could she honestly protect Grace if Joan came after them? She pondered that before sighing as she looked at her daughter. “No one will take you from me, and no one will **ever** hurt you… That’s a promise, Grace.” She stated fiercely as she stroked her baby’s cheek, watching her eyes close and felt her suckling slow right down. She lifted her to her shoulder and winded her before starting to settle her down for the night.

She had just settled Grace down when the sudden sound of knocking started on her door and she turned her head. “Who on earth…?!” she muttered to herself, checking Grace was asleep before she quickly walked out, pulling her baby’s door mostly closed to reduce the sound going in and thus risk waking her baby up as she moved to the door.  
Unlocking it and pulling the main door and then the metal door open, Vera opened her lips with a reprimand as she stepped forward and saw Jake there but Jake beat her to it. “You need to pack! Now!” he insisted before he looked over her shoulder into this house. “I’ll get the baby, we need to leave!” he then moved forward to barge into the house but Vera stepped in front of him and stopped him, using her smaller frame to atop him from entering and disturbing Grace. “No, no, no.” she uttered before grunting and managing to push him back with whatever strength she had from pushing Grace in her pram and carrying her. “No!” Vera stressed before she harshly whispered to him. “Grace is **sleeping**! What is going on?!”

“She’s awake!”

Vera paused at that as she gazed at Jake, realising how _panicked_ he looked. Her confusion must have been clear on her face as Jake clarified who **she** was. “Ferguson! She’s awake, Vera!” her eyes widened at this and, for a moment, it almost felt like her heart stopped. _‘Joan’s awake?!’_ she thought to herself, completely surprised but this. But then, doubt wriggled in her mind. This was Jake after all who she had come to know all too well to lie his way through things, so she uttered in a tone of disbelief. “How do you know?”  
“I was there... At the hospital…” he paused as he tried to organise his thoughts and Vera stared at him with a slight furrowing of her brows before he continued. “I went there to hotshot her...” he admitted and Vera closed her eyes and breathed deeply to stop herself from screaming her response instead managing to whisper her response. “You _what_?!” she honestly couldn’t believe that he was digging into his old tricks again, after all of his promises to be a better man for Grace. Mind, at the same time, she could believe it, given all the things he has tried to do to get them back together.  
“I was doing it for Grace! For us!” that made her blink whilst her eyes furrowed into a glare and shake her head, her hands on her hips in disbelief before Jake corrected himself. “No, I mean… For me!” Vera counted to ten in her head at such words, naturally, he would try to spin it to try and get them back together but then, at the root of it all, it always came to him being so selfish. Vera looked down as she counted but Jake continued, making her lift her head to look at him and to pay attention. “But she woke up! She woke up, **right** in front of me!” were his panicked tones and she stared at him as she saw the panic in his eyes as he stated. “Just shove what you can in the car! I’ll get Grace.”  
“No.” Vera immediately deadpanned with a shake of her head but Jake was insistent. “We need to leave!”

“ **No!** ”

Surprised by her outburst, Vera briefly looked back towards the nursery, frightened that she accidentally woke Grace up. Thankfully, no cries came so she looked back and stated again but quietly. “No, we are **not** going anywhere. Not tonight!” came her words with an air of finality to them. “But Vera, we…” Jake started but Vera interrupted him. “No, Jake!” she paused to make sure she had his attention before sighing softly. “Go home…. We will talk about this _tomorrow_.” She pressed, hoping he would drop it for tonight. She was tired, what with the day she had with Bryant and with her still getting used to going to work in a different position whilst still tending to Grace when she could, and it was taking its toll on her energy. “What if…” Jake started to protest but Vera managed to cut him off, talking reason with him through his panicked state. “ _Nothing_ is going to happen… Before tomorrow.” She spoke softly as Jake turned to the side and took a deep breath to calm down as she added.

“Trust me.”

Sighing softly, he turned and started to leave but then stopped at the edge of the porch and looked back at Vera. The panic was mostly gone, but she could see the fear and uncertain in his eyes as he breathed out. “She looked _right_ at me…” Vera sighed as her eyes softened whilst giving a subtle nod, knowing that it was that action which caused this panic as she watched Jake turn to leave before she turned, went back into her house and shut the doors.

After engaging the lock, Vera sighed as she leaned against the door a little before turning to rest her back against it. Her eyes gazed up at the ceiling as the myriad of emotions that sprang in her heart at Jake’s words came to the fore and she felt tears collect in her eyes. Did Joan remember anything? Anyone? Did she know that she had been with Will and Jake at the grave? Did she blame her for burying her just as she did for those pictures of Jianna?

There were so many questions, not enough answers. So many unknowns. And Vera had to wonder just what was tomorrow going to bring now that the tables have turned…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 4: Yes, I chose another lyrical phrase from a song to use as a chapter title but it seemed to fit what I had in mind for the chapter. In this case, it is Turning Tables by Adele. Here is the song link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGcXqo4kcQw
> 
> A/N 5: I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter, it is a little short but the bigger part will come in the next chapter which will take time so please be patient. Patience bears its own reward.


End file.
